


Will you watch me as I fade away?

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with no happy ending, Blood, Brainwashing, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Psychological Torture, Torture, this fic is really dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 22:15:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8262284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: They’re gonna take us apart one by one, piece by piece. Like some flaky paint or a flower, they're gonna pull us apart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this idea at two am. I've been feeling really shitty lately and so I've been making some really depressing stuff. Which is why I haven't been able to update Hold on til may. I seem to only be able to pour out sad writing lately. I hope you guys like it though. Let me know what you think.

It's felt with the absence of flesh. Cold metal gripping tightly at pale wrists. Wrists that are quickly bruising an ugly shade of purple. The force of that metal clamped down as it drags Pidge along. Screams come out pitched in an odd way and short. More like shrieks from Pidge's raw throat. A last ditch effort to be heard. Not like anyone would come running to save the day. No one could. Their heels dig into the ground, another wasted effort to try to shake loose of their captor. The man is bigger than them. He's older and stronger. Pidge feels like a frightened child in his grasp. The man keeps his gaze forward, unbothered by Pidge's attempt to drive their feet into the metal floors. It doesn't faze him in the slightest. Pidge glares at the back of his head, angry hot tears running down their cheeks. This wasn't suppose to be like this. He wasn't acting right. He was suppose to protect them. So many thoughts drag themselves through Pidge's head just as Shiro is dragging them. His iron grip merciless. Thoughts of could have beens and wants. Things that will never come to pass. Finding Matt alive. 

A memory, like a photo, pops into Pidge's tired head. Matt leaned against a wall, body mangled, blood pooling around him. Streaks are across the walls and not too far in nearly the same wretched state is Sam. Pidge feels their stomach turn and it takes everything in them not to vomit. They suppress the feeling for themselves mostly. Not wanting to throw up on themselves or be dragged through it. In this state who knows how cruel Shiro was. His grip gives Pidge a pretty good idea. 

"It won't hurt much if you don't fight them." Shiro's words shake something in Pidge. He sounds almost caring but that look in his eyes tells Pidge he's gone. Pidge takes the warning lightly. They don't want it easy. It has to hurt or this just isn't worth it. They would be wrong to give in without a fight. They were better than that. 

"I want it to hurt. I won't give in without a fight." This isn't Shiro. Not anymore. The concern is the last of him making an effort. It aches in Pidge's chest as that effort becomes in vain and they are dragged into that dark room with bright purple and white lights. 

~ 

Lance sits in the corner of the room. Deep gashes run down his cheek, over his shoulders, his back. His body is littered in claw marks. He silently counts the hours. The days and it's been four. Four days of little food. Four days of Keith going out of his mind. The Galra had managed to awaken the sleeping cells in Keith. To make something more primal out of him. He was fighting it off though. He was losing. His skin purplish and eyes yellow. It was his temper, his behavior that was the worst. Keith who was torn between beast like instincts and his normal human ones. Lance had tried to comfort him, but it proved to only worsen things. They just had to wait for the Galra to get their fill. To move on from this sick game. Lance would take any torture over this. Over Keith suffering. That was the last thing he wanted. He dug his nails into his own palm and prayed this would end soon. At least Keith's suffering if not his own. .

~

Pidge lies on the cold metal table. Their shirt hiked up enough to reveal their stomach. Shiro stands nearby observing. It isn't Shiro anymore Pidge reminds themself. Shiro wouldn't stand by and watch as the Galra poke and prod at Pidge body. Boney fingers make contact with their side, right where their ribs are, causing them to flinch. Their eyes quickly dart to beside them where a women with long silver hair stands. The women who had done experiments on Shiro. The one who attacked him that time. Pidge remembers Shiro recanting the story to them. Many stories of this women. 

"You're quite intelligent. You will make a fine weapon yourself child." Her voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard and Pidge grits their teeth. They attempt to fight free of the restraints but it's no use. They gasp as their head is forced back by the women above them. Sharp nails digging into their scalp as she pulls their hair. 

"Go fuck yourself! I'll never be your weapon." Pidge's voice is full of anger and slightly hoarse. They try to use that anger to hide the pain. Their wrists deeply bruised and sore. Pidge is sure the flesh will be tender for quite some time. 

"We will see about that." The way the Druid says it sends chills up Pidge's spine. They know their is no escape but they wouldn't admit it. They would cling to hope till they couldn't anymore. They feel a pinch in their arm and a cold feeling enter their veins. Pidge's eyes widen as their back arches. The cold feeling turns to flames and Pidge feels like their insides are on fire. They attempt to kick, thrash in an attempt to free themself from the binds. They want to claw at their own skin. Make the burning stop. What were these people even doing to them? Was the rest of the team going through the same? Pidge screamed but no sound came out as their throat since it was raw from earlier. Breathy sounds spilled from their open mouth. Tears slipped down their face along with sweet. There were eyes all around them. Watching them closely. Voices discussing what to do next. Pidge blacked out from the pain before they could hear what the Galra had planned. For the most part they didn't even want to know. 

~ 

After what seems like forever Keith has finally finished whatever god awful process the Galra had made him endure. He was done with the pain and the being torn between animalistic and human instincts. The alien dna or whatever it was finally settling. Keith's hybrid, half human half Galra nature was settled in. As if it always had been this way. It hadn't and Lance knew it. Those eyes, yellow and glaring, were not the Keith Lance knew. This was a Galra Keith. One that knows only loyalty to his own and Lance isn't his own. At least not yet. He has a bad feeling, settled in his stomach and curled up like a snake, that soon he will be no longer the blue paladin Lance. Galra Lance instead will take his place. He resigns himself to fight. He wonders how the others are. He wonders if they are okay. He's heard guards whispering about Pidge, pretty and with quite the mouth on them. They fought hard. Lance doesn't hear the rest. He doesn't hear how Pidge is or if Pidge even is alive anymore. The pounding in his head and the sleepiness from blood loss quickly knock him out. In the same way that blow to the face a few days ago he revived from a fidgeting screaming Keith did. Keith won't behave like that no more. He's not having a war with himself. He'd already lost it. 

~ 

Pidge sits with their back to the wall. Their stare is blank. They look as if they are frozen in time. Scars and cuts cover their body. On their stomach, arms, cheek. Their wrists aren't bruised anymore. Time had allowed them to heal. One hundred and twenty one days. That's how long they had counted. How long they had been here. A hundred and twenty one days of testing and experiments. Injects of drugs that made them hallucinate. Made them feel sick or that they were on fire. Drugs that made them feel cold. Drugs that numbed their body and mind. Drugs that made them feel good. It took them to happy places. Those days were the worst. Coming down from that good place where Matt was okay and the Galra weren't a worry. Waking up in that cold cell alone or worse to the face of one of the Galra soldiers. Pidge wanted to curl up and die. They wanted to, for the first time in their life, die. To be put out of this misery. It's not like anyone would miss them. Anyone mourning would easily get over it. They wouldn't be sad forever. Maybe their mother. She had no one. 

That thought kept Pidge going. Made them push through because they had to go home to their mother. She needed them and they needed her. That kept them going but soon even their mother's face was lost in the haze of days spent being tormented. They started to forget things. Names of random people and tiny things and soon bigger things. Faces, home. Everything was lost to them. Pidge was forgetting all the good things. They only remembered the pain and things the Galra told them. Pidge stared ideally at the floor. Their head hurt likely from the new drugs the Galra had them on. They didn't even know the reason nor purpose of all this was. Why couldn't the Galra just get information and kill them? Why were they being tormented like this? Why were they being made into weapons for the Galra empire? Pidge wondered if Lance and the others were okay. They wondered if Lance and the others were being put through similar experiments. They hopped not. The sound of the door opening broke them from their thoughts and they looked up from the floor to the doorway. Shiro stood there, wide smile on his face. He slowly walked over to them. He took their face in his metal hand, the cold not bothering them. There was worse things they had endured then a little cold. So much worse. 

"You're not looking so good my dear." Shiro pulled his hand back standing up. Pidge looked up at him doing their best to glare. 

"Of course not. I've spent the last few weeks being drugged and tortured." 

"Sounds like you haven't had fun." 

"I've had the time of my god damned life." At this Shiro smiled. Pidge fought to keep their glare up. They were tired and this was Shiro. Even if it wasn't him anymore he was still in there. 

"How about I take you to have more fun then my dear?" Shiro asked. He took a hold of Pidge's wrist, pulling them up. Pidge could barely stand, almost falling over as Shiro pulled them up. 

"Even if I say no you'll still make me go so there's no use in fighting." Shiro's smile was sinister when Pidge said this. They were losing their will to fight. It had taken awhile but sure enough they were losing it. Pidge looked tired and it was time they got the rest they deserved. 

~

Lance lost count of how long it had been. How long he had been here. How long since he had seen anyone aside from those Galra soldiers. It was almost time for them to come in and give him his dose of whatever they had been giving him. It made him see things, awful things. It made him hallucinate. Words filled his mind and soon he had forgotten certain things. He couldn't remember home and it broke his heart. Because that's the last memory he wanted to lose. His mother's face, his siblings laugh. Everything was a haze. His only memories were of the Galra. Being held down by the guards. Being sedated and whispered words. He lied there, staring at the ceiling. Cement and solid. He started to mutter softly, "Vrepit sa." Words he'd heard the guards say. They forced him to say it a few times. He repeated the phrase over and over, muttering it for no reason. His mind was absent as he muttered the words. A guard walked in, a smile spreading across his face. They got another one of them. 

~ 

Pidge walked, stumbled, along side Shiro as they went to get drugged and tortured again. They just wanted all this to end. They had been strong, they had fought hard but now they were tired. They wanted to die or anything now. Anything was better than this. Shiro stopped walking, Pidge glancing over at them. Their eyes lifeless with dark circles under them. Shiro turned to look at them. He brushed aside some of their matted hair. Pidge remained unmoving. 

"You look tired," Shiro said, running his metal hand along Pidge's cheek. Pidge just nodded their head. "Do you want to get some rest?" Shiro asked. Pidge nodded their head again. It was a slow nod. Shiro picked Pidge up bridal style. "Come along Katie. I'll make everything okay." 

'You'll make me a weapon for the empire,' Pidge thought to themself. They don't voice it though. It doesn't matter. They are too tired to fight. 'I'm sorry everyone I did the best I could to hold out.' 

Shiro took Pidge into the room. They got another one. This made four of the Voltron Paladins that were now under Galra control. 

~ 

Hunk didn't know how long they had been here. He was sick with worry, unable to eat much of the food the Galra supplied him with. It didn't taste that good anyways. He worried about the others. Aside from a few beatings and questions they had been fairly easy on him. He had a sick feeling that the others didn't have it so easy. Sometimes he swore he heard Pidge's screams or Lance yelling for someone, anyone, to help him. He was broke from his thoughts by his cell opening and a guard entering. It wasn't time for food yet. Hunk felt his heartbeat speed up. What if they came to kill him? To take him to have his head removed. He wasn't ready to die yet. There was so much he had to do. So much he hadn't said yet. The guards silently walked over, grabbing onto Hunk's wrists. They began dragging him out of the cell. He seen the man whose name he remembered to be Sendek. He watched as the lower ranking guards took Hunk away. 

"Where are you taking me?" Hunk finally dared to ask. 

"To see your friends." The way Sendek smiled, the laughing from the guards made Hunk feel even more sick. Why were they laughing? Why did they put it that way? What if Lance was hurt? What if Pidge was dead? What if Shiro had been tortured till the point he couldn't function? What if they did something awful to Keith? All of them were his friends. Hunk was worried what might be in store for him. The guards stopped at a room, dragging Hunk inside before leaving him. The room was empty and the lights were purple and dim. Similar to Hunk's cell but a bit more roomy. The door opened again and this time Hunk was met with a heartbreaking surprise. There Pidge and Lance stood. Both clad in Galra uniform. Pidge's hair was slightly longer, parted off to one side. They wore a smile that sent chills down Hunk's spine. Lance wore a similar grin, his hair still short. The two of them walked in, Lance closing the door as Pidge slowly walked over to Hunk. Their steps careful and precise. 

"Pidge," Hunk calls out their name. He doesn't know why it just slips out. Pidge's smile stays in place. 

"Yes Hunk? What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost or something." Pidge turns their head a bit as they say this. A few hairs falling into their face. Lance walks over to stand next to Pidge. 

"Yeah buddy you're looking a little rough." Lance's voice is full of the same sickening malice Pidge's voice holds. Like this is all a game. 

"What did they do to you guys?" Hunk asks. He stays seated against the wall. He doesn't think he can stand right now. He's weak from lack of food and the shock of seeing two of his best friends dressed in Galra uniforms. They aren't acting right. 

"Fixed us," Pidge said. They made a move to get closer to Hunk. Hunk swallowed hard, trying to slide to the left some. Away from Pidge. "Lord Zarkon has been so kind as to give us another chance at life. He could have killed us but instead he showed us the light." 

"He spared us because we are destined to do great," Lance added. Hunk felt sick. The Galra had done something to them. Tortured them, broke them. "Don't be scared Hunk. We can show you the right way as well." 

"Yes, Lance and I will help you Hunk. You're being manipulated by that evil princess but we will help you see the wrong she is." 

"What about Voltron guys? We were suppose to save the universe as a team." Hunk feels tears burning in his eyes. This isn't right. They are the good guys. Lance is suppose to make jokes and lighten the mood. Pidge is suppose to be smart and fix all the technical issues. Where was Shiro and Keith? Hunk wonders if they are in the same state. He can feel it all fading. All their team work, all the plans to go home Hero's. It's all fading in darkness. At this point they would never go home at all. 

"We'll still be a team and form Voltron only now we will do it for Zarkon." Pidge's response is a heavy blow. 

"What about our families?" 

"They don't need us. I bet they've forgotten all about us." Pidge walks closer. Hunk knows he has nowhere to run to. 

"Pidge, that isn't true and you know it. Think of your mom. Think of her crying because her baby isn't coming home." At this Pidge stops their stride. Their eyes show a spark of something. Hunk smiles, it's working. Pidge places a hang on their head, almost as if it aches. 

"She- misses- wouldn't care." It's a moment of break through but it's something. Hunk opens his mouth to speak again but is instead met with a hard hit to the face. Lance's foot makes contact. Hunk spits out blood and a tooth. 

"Stop hurting Pidge with your lies. Don't you see how upset you're making them." Hunk knows Lance's heart is in the right place. Lance wants them all safe, even in this corrupt state. Hunk just hopes he can undo the damage that's been done. 

~ 

Shiro remembered the process. He was the first of them to go. The Galra had used threats. Threats of killing Matt, whom was already dead because Shiro killed him. Murdered him while under the control of the Galra. When he was faced with this reality. When he remembered he killed Matt so the Galra's threats were a lie he broke. Only half way though. What really broke him is the threat of Pidge and the others being harmed. The drugs that made him hallucinate that Pidge was being beat in front of him. Keith or Lance, maybe even both, were being tortured in cruel ways. That's what really broke Shiro. What brought him back under the Galra's control. With the help of his Galra tech arm. They had been wise to implant themselves in him. He was just as much Galra as he was human. Though he felt more Galra than anything.

~   
Hunk didn't know how much more of this he could take. Seeing his friends brainwashed like this. Pidge didn't remember certain things, neither did Lance. Their minds completely warped to fit the imagine the Galra had. Pidge's attitude was changed to. They no longer were sassy but more of a cold edge. Lance's kindness now replaced by a twisted humor. He found it funny now to see others suffer. Hunk was completely shaken to see what had been done to his friends. Currently Pidge sat, watching him closely. They said that the medicine would start soon. Hunk would see things their way soon. He was terrified of the thought of ending up like them. He wanted to save them. He noticed purple marks, like bruises on Pidge's shoulders when their shirt slipped some. The marks on their wrists and stomach. Finger marks, bruises. The marks were in their hips as well. Lance had similar marks. Like they had been held down and manhandled in the worst way possible. 

"They hurt you." Hunk sat up from his laying position. Pidge looked up from the book they had been reading, looking at Hunk. They looked confused. 

"What do you mean?" Pidge asked. Hunk pointed to their shoulder, their stomach, their arms and then their hips. Pidge looked down, taking a moment, then responded. "I fought them. I deserve the marks." 

"Pidge, you and I both know they would have done this to you even if you didn't fight them." He wanted to hug Pidge. He wanted to so bad but now wasn't the time. He didn't know what they might do. Pidge's mind was in a fragile state. "They did it to Lance to. Likely to Keith and Shiro as well." Pidge flinched at the mention of Shiro's name. Something in Hunk's head clicked and he wanted more now to hug Pidge then he ever had. "Shiro was there wasn't he?" Hunk moved slowly, crawling over to where Pidge sat in the floor. Hunk reached out to touch Pidge and watched them flinch and back up best they could. "Did he do this to you? Did he leave these marks?" 

"I fought him. I deserved this." 

"You fought him because he isn't the Shiro we know and you knew it. The Shiro we know wouldn't hurt you. He wouldn't hurt any of us" Something in Pidge seemed to shake at this. Hunk was getting through to them. He just hoped he could get through in time. 

~ 

Lance walked into the room to get Hunk. He was the last of them and so the Galra was persistent. He walked over to the bed where Hunk lied. Once he finished with this he and Keith were going to hang out for a bit. Not much to do till they found a planet in need of destroying. He walked over to Hunk. "It's time buddy." His voice is gentle when he says it. It sounds so much like the old Lance. Hunk knows it isn't. He also knows there's no use fighting. It won't change anything and so he slowly gets up and walks with Lance. He feels himself giving up and he wonders if this right here was how Pidge and the others felt when the Galra did this to them. 

~ 

Shiro and Pidge stand with their backs to the wall. They watch as Lance and Keith escort Hunk away. 

"This is it. He finally broke." Shiro's words are cold. Not a ounce of care is left in them. They feel dry and scratchy. Pidge only nods their head, eyes pointed to the ground. Something inside them says this isn't right. They ignore the feeling. They are Galra, Galra doesn't feel. 

~ 

Allura can't hold back the gasp of shock and hurt. Coran can do little to add comfort. He too stands shocked at the message they received. Shiro stands clad in Galra uniform with the other four Paladins behind him. They are each dressed similar. Shiro is announcing Voltron working for Zarkon. Allura feels a pain in her chest. To see them like this meant they had been broken. It meant all hope was lost. It meant the end of the world as they knew it. It was the end of Voltron, the end of all that was good.


End file.
